


He's at Hogwarts

by Aille



Series: Discontinued but not abandoned [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Inappropriate Humor, Insanity, Memories, Prison Escape, Protectiveness, Swearing, misplaced feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 15:27:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 15,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8495188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aille/pseuds/Aille
Summary: The Prisoner of Azkaban, from Sirius POV, starting with his escape from Azkaban (unfinished, probably will not have any more written)





	1. The Escape

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Harry Potter, in any way, shape or form. I love to read the books, but I sure don't own them. J.K. Rowling and WB do. This is simply a tribute to the Harry Potter series. I am making no money from this and I'm just enjoying sharing some of my own crazy ideas.
> 
> This is the start of a series that stem off from a stand alone that I did, 'Face of my King'. I couldn't think of a way to pull everything into one story, so I decided to write two or three different fics. Also, this is Sirius' thoughts... He's not talking to anyone, it's all in his mind.

"He's at Hogwarts." That's all that passed threw my mind for days as I planned my escape. That bloody git Wormtail, he's near my godson. I'm going to kill him.

One thing I should be thankful for, this isn't a pleasant thought, but it is strong enough. Strong enough for me to transform. As a dog, things are easier, I can think with a clearer head.

Twelve years these Dementors have been stealing my happiness. If it wasn't for the fact I know I am innocent, know that it was my fault that my best friend and his wife were killed... I would have gone nuts long ago. Hell, who's to say I'm not already? Just me, that's who.

"He's at Hogwarts."

Now's my chance, the doors going to be opened any moment now for them to feed me. Any moment now and I can start my journey to go kill that bastard.

"He's at Hogwarts."

Twelve years he's had a cushy life while I've rotted here in his place. Well, not any longer, I'm getting out of this hell hole.

Ah, there it is, opening the door with dinner, all I have to do is slip by it without touching it...

There, did it. They stink, the smell is horrible here, but it's no worse than what they do within you.

I have to move quickly... they'll know soon. Know I'm not in that cell. I'm  _never_  going back to that cell.

There's the bars, just have to squeeze though... just a little more...

Yes... I'm free!

Man, this water's cold. Stop it, it's better than that cell. Much better. I'm tired though, so very tired. Can't sleep though, have to reach the other side... I have to keep moving...

"He's at Hogwarts."

Yes, that's it legs, move, we get to kill him this time. He was one of our own. I still can't believe he betrayed us. He'll pay for that.

Though, it seems that we weren't the only ones. Oh yes Wormtail, they still talk about you in there. I'm not the only one who wants your neck it seems. But I'm the one who's going to get it. I'm going to make you pay for the trouble you've caused.

Rocks, I made it, just in time too. I'm so tired. Just a few more steps and I'm out of this water.

Dry land, freedom awaits... revenge awaits.

"He's at Hogwarts."

Run legs, we have to get away from here. Have to get away from that stench. It sticks to you. Won't let go. If I turn around, I'll still see that place, still see it's shadows looming, still feel it's pull on my soul.

I wish I know the time... Harry's birthday... that paper had the date on it, and it has been a week. How old is he now? Thirteen? All these years he's been with those muggles, living in the mundane instead of the magical. Wormtail, you'll pay for that too.

He should have had a home, with loving parents, where Moony, you and I showered gifts on him. But instead he grew up alone, you went free, and I've paid everyday for my foolishness. Who knows where Moony is... does he know the truth? Probably not. Probably thinks you are a great man, killed by me. Yah right, well, I'm going to kill you this time Wormy old pal. You'll learn.

Harry's birthday... maybe I can catch a glimpse of him before I kill you. They'll expect me there though... me, not a dog...

Just once, I need to see the only person I love... Just once... Harry, my godson... the only thing that has kept me sane all these years...

Sleep... I need sleep... I'll find some place to rest for a few hours. A tree log... a patch of grass... anything...

So tired...

Tomorrow... tomorrow I'll find Harry...


	2. Watching and Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven days after the escape.

Seven days... I've been out of there seven days. My mind is almost my own again. Almost free of those things, those Dementors. I know they're after me. How could they not be. I mean, no one has ever escaped before. I know the price of my freedom. A Kiss... if I'm caught any way.

I've been here three days now and I can't get near enough to see him. The Ministry has owls and cats all over the place. I don't know how many times I've played catch the cat the past few days to not to arouse suspicion. That last one though, my nose still smarts.

Only till morning, that's how long I'm going to stay. Only till morning. I want to be set up at Hogwarts before you get there Wormy. No matter how long it takes, I'm going to catch you and kill you with my bare hands.

Yesterday I saw this fat muggle, had to be around three hundred pounds. The kid was too young to be THAT fat. However, that isn't what caught my attention... that fat muggle was talking to his friend about his aunt and how if she kept it up Harry would surly be expelled from school. He seemed to be taking great joy in this.

There is no way to know if he was talking about my Harry, but that caused me to worry. Harry can't get expelled from Hogwarts.

I wish I could get closer, but I don't dare. I don't want to get caught again. There are too many Ministry spies around. This is driving me crazy, I'm his legal guardian, yet I'm the one kept out, when those two great muggles can torment him. You'll pay for that too old friend.

I can only stay one more night. I have to get to Hogwarts before the Dementors. I already know where I'll stay, at the Shrieking Shack. After poor Moony's stays there, no one would go close to it. I'm just glad that in some small way we could help him, make his transformations less painful. I wonder if any one is helping him now? Or is he just like before? Letting no one close enough to know. I wonder if I'll ever see him again, and if I do, if he'll believe my side of the story.

Barty Crouch has as much to answer for as anyone. Fuck, he threw me in jail, without even hearing the truth. Didn't care, did he? I guess he paid though. His son dying in the cell next to mine. Perhaps I'll look him up after Wormy. I won't care after that, I'll have gotten what I wanted. I guess will have any way... no Harry, no freedom, no friends... but I'll have had my revenge.

Shit, there's another cat! Into dog mode... chase it a couple of houses... let it escape... return to hiding spot.

Perhaps I should get another spot. I'll keep an eye out. Don't want to get caught by the muggles either. They'll send me to the pound. Don't want go go back there again, not without old Prongs to get me out.

Ah, good spot over there. Looks like they put the trash out... I don't be noticed if I hang out there, dogs and trash... perfect.

I don't know why I'm staying here till morning... it won't make a difference. It's not like I'm going to get to see him. Oh well... it's only a few more hours.

Listen to those muggles in there, enjoying their dinner, when I haven't had a decent meal in years. They feed you just enough to keep you alive in there. Just enough so that they can feed off of you.

I don't blame those who stop eating. I was tempted a few times. Was about to give up when Fudge gave me that paper.

I wonder if he knows what he did... that he was the one who helped me escape. He gave me the will to live, so that I could save my godson. I bet he thinks I want to kill the only person I love...

Love... that's such a different word now. When I was in there, I thought that had been sucked out of me... sucked out of my soul. But it... it feels good to love and want to protect someone again.

I will kill Wormtail! I only wanted to protect Kitty and Prongs, yet... in the end I failed them completely. I never thought it was Wormtail. Why should I? He seemed to worship the very ground Prongs walked on. We did so much for that little traitor...

Wait a minute... I hear something.

Something dragging down the street.

It stopped.

Should I look? No, it's too dangerous. What if it's someone from the Ministry?

Oh don't be such an idiot, they can hide better than that... they know what would happen if the muggles found out about us.

Someone is panting... out of breath.

Could be any one though... don't want to chance it.

Come on... move!

You've been there for almost ten minutes.

What if... what if it is someone from the Ministry trying to lure me out?

Doing a damn fine job of it.

Well, they say curiosity killed the cat, but Kitty is already dead...

One quick peek couldn't hurt, could it?

OH MY FUCKING GOD!

It can't be... Prongs?

No... can't be Prongs, he's dead...

Harry?

What is he doing out here at this hour? With his trunk and a wand... and is that a cage? Well, he has an owl at least.

He looks worried... why is he out here and not at home? Doesn't he know that I'm loose? Or does he even know who I am? They probably kept that from him... didn't want to scare him I bet.

Shit, I think he feels me watching him... look away you dolt...

But it's like watching the dead come back to life... he looks so much like his father.

Can't move, if I do, he'll know I'm here.

Oh good, he's going back to his trunk... he doesn't know...

FUCK!

Light! He's seen me!

Can't move... don't move...

I... I can see him properly... he's got Kitty's eyes.

And the scar... I remember THAT scar...

I wish I could have made things better for you...

DON'T! Oh shit... he fell... over his own trunk.

The Knight Bus... Bright Light...

Run legs... can't be seen...

I saw him... for the first and last time in twelve years.


	3. Memories Resurface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius remembering some of the times he spent during his years at Hogwarts, at the Shrieking Shack.

It's the beginning of October and I can feel the weather starting to get cooler.

I'm going to try and start making trips into Hogwarts grounds tonight. Just to see if I can make it up to at least the castle. I know when I'm going to strike, it will be the perfect time... Halloween. No one in their right mind will take a pet rat to the Halloween Feast. Alright... Frank Longbottom, but no one said he was all there to begin with.

The trail to Hogwarts is a familiar one at least. I can't remember how many times Prongs, Wormtail, Moony and I took it on our midnight prowls. It really was great you know, the old days... when we all trusted each other. I mean  _really_  trusted each other. Hell, we were the ones to help Moony when he needed us the most. Like I could let one of my best friends go though that alone?

The shack is more than just a place to stay. It's riddled with good memories. I need those.

Like the time Prongs decided that he could fit into the closet as a stag... alright... so I bet him ten Galleons he wouldn't be able to get back out without turning back into himself. I was right too. Not like ten Galleons meant much to him, but it was the principle of the thing.

There were some sad memories too, though. Like the day Mom and Dad were killed. Prongs and Moony dragged me out here, with Wormtail trailing behind. I should have known then that something was up, but Worry was a strange chap to begin with.

My friends... threw thick and thin, they were there. Now I have no one. Thanks to that slimy git. How could they have thought it was me when I lost my parents to Voldemort? I almost wish he had taken me too, but that Christmas there was a full moon, so I stayed here at Hogwarts with the other three. We couldn't leave Moony to fend for himself.

What a great Christmas present that was. To wake up Christmas morning to find Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall standing over my bed. Here I was in my boxers and in comes the Headmaster and the HOT new Transfiguration teacher. From the look on their faces, I knew something was wrong. Hell, I knew something was wrong because they were in our dorm.

I cried when they told me... me... the strong one... cried. And it was on Prongs shoulder I cried on. He held me close... saying it was going to be alright.

How could anyone think that I would betray him?

How could I betray the man that made me, Sirius Black, Best Man at his wedding? It was right after graduation because Kitty was already pregnant with Harry.

Prongs was so proud when he told us in this room. It was funny watching him, really. He kept babbling on about how things were going to change when we graduated and how he didn't want any of us to split apart. Sorry Prongs...

The first thing he finally said was that he and Kitty were getting married and then that she was going to have a baby. His baby. I can't forget that, he kept saying over and over again that it was 'his baby'.

Not that any one would doubt that Harry wasn't his. Kitty loved Prongs with all her heart and would never do anything to hurt him.

I was so ecstatic when they asked me to be Harry's godfather. What else could I say but yes? I mean hell, Prongs is my best friend and Kitty, his beautiful wife. They were the world to me, so why shouldn't their son follow in their footsteps? I would die for Harry if I had to.

Enough of this you git, your wasting moonlight.

Time to prowl the grounds again...


	4. That Bloody Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius meeting up with Crookshanks.

For two nights now I've been prowling the grounds of Hogwarts. I'm surprised they're not better guarded than this. Oh I've seen Hagrid, but he's always headed for another part of the Forbidden Forest, and I know better than to follow him though there. Other than that, it's been really easy to get around.

Except for this cat. It keeps showing up in strange places. I know its not a Ministry cat. It's too obvious that it's following me around. It must be one of the students' cats.

When I'm out there tonight, I'm going to try and throw it off. And if I can't... well... I can always go back to the old catch the cat routine. I don't know have a lot of time, and I don't want to be given away by a bloody cat.

Well, I should get some sleep, I have a long night ahead of me.

God damn it, I slept too long during the day. I was hoping to be out and prowling the grounds before now. It's crazy you know... I couldn't sleep while I was at Azkaban, yet out here, in this shack, I can sleep like a baby.

But that's no excuse! Prongs never would have over slept on such an important night. Then again, Prongs only ever needed three hours of sleep. I don't know how Kitty put up with him. He drove us nuts our first year. At least that was until Moony tied him up and I put a silence charm on him.. He stopped waking us up after that... go figure...

Ah, here's the trap door. Now I can't forget to take the stick with me, so I can prod the Whomping Willow. I forgot to take it that first day, and I nearly had the stuffing knocked out of me. I won't forget again.

You know, this ceiling isn't to bad, considering no one uses this tunnel. I bet its been forgotten by just about everyone. At least, that is what I think... I mean there are no Dementors here.

I know they're here, I can feel their pull. They went through Hogsmeade the other day... I hid at the back of the house.

At least they're not guarding the entrance to the school... or at least, this entrance. I could smell them at four of the secret entrances...

Yes... I remember all the entrances well... we had so much fun making the Marauder's Map that it's really hard to forget that sort of thing.

I'm not going to chance using the other two that the Dementors are at. This one works quite well, and only three people are supposed to know where the entrance is, but I know of at least four people who do though... or used to know.

There's the tree. Got to poke it just right... there.

Time to start prowling.

What the fuck is over there?

On my dear god, it's that fucking cat.

How did it find me? I know I wasn't followed last night. I know it!

Shit!

Did it see how I got out of there?

I hope not...

I was going to lay some traps, and hopefully chase it away, but now I have to do something drastic.

I don't want to kill it, but at least I can make it leave me the hell alone.

Crouch down and approach it carefully... slow and steady.

Raise the heckles and growl.

Going to try and scare it first. I don't want to hurt it.

God damn it, that bloody cat is going to try and stand its ground. Doesn't it know that I could really hurt it? Even kill it if I had to?

From the looks of things, it doesn't care.

Step forward and continue growling. Let out a few warning barks. Maybe that will work...

Nope.

It's arching its back and its ears are laid back. This is one stupid cat.

I take no responsibility for what might happen tonight. I gave it plenty of warning.

It's hissing at me... it is hissing at me? Well now, I'm going to have to teach it a lesson.

I've already given it fair warning. I'm going in!

OW! FUCK!

OH MY FUCKING... OW... OW... OW...

SHIT!

Oh my god... oh my god... oh my god...

I'm just going to lay here bleeding for a while.

That fucking bloody cat, just turned and walked away. Tail high in the air and everything.

I don't think I even scratched it.

Where's my stick? I'm going to bed.


	5. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Halloween

God, that cat won't leave me alone.

We've had a repeat of that fight every second or third night since that first time. And I haven't been the one to initiate it since the second time.

However, I'm not getting as beat up as that first time, any more. I don't think it's fight as hard, because I know it can hurt me, and it knows it too.

I didn't leave the shack the night after our first fight. I was still smarting. More from the fact that I was beaten up by a cat than anything else. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is? Getting beat up by a cat, when I'm a dog? At least Moony, Prongs and Wormtail aren't here. They would never let me live this down.

I must say though, I'm feeling stronger, for the fact that I'm having these battles with the cat.

I can't keep calling it cat, but I don't know it's name.

Oh well, cat isn't such a bad name. Maybe someday I'll find out it's real one.

Tomorrow is Halloween. Tomorrow I get to act out my revenge.

Tomorrow it will have been three weeks since my escape. The time has just flown.

Three months is nothing compared to the twelve years I spent at Azkaban, yet its been different. The time has gone so fast, yet its been so slow. I want my revenge, and tomorrow I'll have it.

Tonight I'll sneak into the castle and get a knife. The house elves won't tell on me. They haven't yet, as I've been sneaking in for the past couple of weeks for food. The love to serve.

They are lucky, knowing what they want to do with their lives. I was training to be come an Unspeakable. Who knew that instead I'd be here, waiting for the time to pass. Waiting to kill the rat that destroyed my life.

I wonder what I'm going to do after tomorrow.

Perhaps I'll write the Ministry, and say I'll turn myself in, if they promise a new trial with the Veritaserum potion.

It's an idea. Though by then, Wormtail will be dead. But I'm not going to do it by magic. I'm going to do with with by bare hands. They can't put me in Azkaban for that.

Maybe a muggle prison though.

It can't be as bad as the Dementors.

I really should make my way up to the castle. It's starting to get late and I want to be out of there before everyone is up and about.

Or...

I could always hide away in one of the hidden rooms near Griffendor tower that Prongs, Moony, Wormtail and I found. It would be much easier to maneuver from there with everyone awake.

Yes, I think I'll do that.

Now lets see if I remember the password... Pumpernical? No... that was to the make out spot... Slimy Toad? No... that was to our stash to torment Snape. I remember... Avalon!

Time to head up... can't forget the stick. I'm starting to think that tree is vindictive... I only peed on it once... I really had to go.

I hope that bloody cat leaves me alone tonight. I can't afford to be spotted now. What's strange is that it hasn't fought me in five nights now, though it has been around. I think it knows I have a healthy respect for it now. Only because I know it could seriously hurt me if it wanted to.

I don't see it, that's a good thing I guess...

Makes it easier for me to get up to the school.

Alright... where is that bloody cat? Its been here every day for almost a month, and it doesn't show up now? This really bothers me. I know it shouldn't, but it does.

Where is it?

Maybe its student decided to keep it in, or maybe it decided to start tormenting someone else. I guess I'll never really know...

Ah... one of the side doors to the castle. I've always found this one to be the best.

I wish I had the map though, it's always been hard to sneak around this place. I won't get caught though, I never have yet.

I've always found it easier to go about the school as a dog. My hearing is much better as a dog and it's much easier to pass myself off as one of the students' pets.

Plus a neat trick Prongs and I found out... animals have free access to the kitchens. We already know about tickling the pear, but one night, on our trip to get some food, we noticed a cat sticking its nose up to a knot on the wall. And the door opened automatically.

I had to try it... of course I tried it as a human and it didn't work. Prongs, taking the initiative, knocked me upside the head and called me an idiot. I think he enjoyed doing that.

With his prompting I turned into a dog, and tried again. And it worked! Now Wormy didn't have an excuse to not go to the kitchens for us.

That's what I've been using the past couple of weeks to get food. The house elves love to feed anyone and anything. It has felt so good to have real food in my stomach again.

Maybe someday I can thank them. Though there isn't really anything they want for.

Man, the halls are really quiet tonight. You would think people would be sneaking around. I know Moony, Prongs, Wormtail and I would be.

Of course, we also had Prongs' invisibility cloak. I have to wonder what ever happened to it. Did Harry get it? Or was it one of the many things that was lost when Prongs and Kitty died?

I know some of their stuff is stored at my old place. Maybe I can find a way to get it to Harry.

Yah right, probably the same way I'm going to be able to get my money from Gringotts. When Hell freezes over.

Ah... there is the door to the kitchens, all I need to do is press that little knot right there.

I'm in.

Dinner time!

I really should try and eat some extra food tonight, seeing as I don't know when I'll next eat. Tomorrow... whatever happens... I will not be able to come back here for food.

I won't accept failure though. I've been waiting for this for too long.

Ohh... look at the size of that ham over there, with a butchers knife stuck in it. This is just too perfect... I'll just saunter over there... grab that in my jaws and get the hell out of here.

It tastes so good... it's all I can do not to sit down and start eating it right here. But I can't do that, I need to get to the hiding spot first. That way, I can hold it in my hands and I'll be able to take the knife out.

Alright Padfoot, remember the way. Just go to the tower, take two rights, then a left. Now go up to the painting that looks like a man in woman's clothing and drop the ham.

Mouth! I said drop it!

Good.

I'm a little nervous about doing this.

Look up and down the hallway, nothing.

And again... still nothing.

I could stand here all night and look, but it's not going to change anything. It's too late for me to turn around and go back... it's going to be day soon.

It's going to be day, and I get to kill Wormtail tonight.

Ugh, I'm wasting time and I know it.

Well, I guess I should change.

It wasn't so bad. I haven't been in my human form in so long.

Can't stand here any longer, in case I get caught...

"Avalon"

I can't forget my ham.

Here we go... the painting is opening. I'll just slip in and close it behind me.

It's been almost fourteen years since I've entered this room and other than a fine coating of dust, things are almost the same. You can feel the presence of the other three here. This is where we would come when we could get to Moony's shack. This is where I became a dog for the very first time.

Wormtail you are going to pay for tearing us all apart. What, were we stronger as a group?

Yes... yes we were, because love held us together.

We even loved you Wormy. You were a part of everything we did. We enjoyed just having you around. Why did you tear us apart?

Do you even remember the time we spent in this room? I hope you do, seeing as we spent so much time in here, learning how to become Animagi.

You were so inept at the spells. However we took the time to go over it with you again, and again, and again until you got it right. Prongs did everything in his power to help you, so you wouldn't fail, yet you couldn't help him when he needed it most.

Do you remember the night the Prongs, you and I were ready to transform? We were all excited about finding out what we would become. I remember you were hoping to become something small but proud. Prongs wanted to become something protective, and I just wanted to be something to help Moony.

I can now see the reasoning behind what we all become, but at first I was confused.

Prongs became the stag because he was protective of those of us he considered his friends. We were his heard, and he felt the need to protect us. Even you Wormy.

You, Wormtail, became the rat because of the evil that was all ready within you. I've tried to see where you started working against us but I still can't see it. You were a worm, burrowing your way into our confidence, and a rat for what you did.

I on the other hand, became a dog because of my loyalty. A loyalty that is set deep within me. Just think Wormy, my loyalty used to be towards you, and now it is against you forever. My loyalty is to Prongs, Moony, Kitty, and Harry. You killed Prongs and Kitty so now I only have a loyalty to Moony and Harry. I will make you pay for killing those two.

We didn't use this room too much after become Animagi, unless it was exam time. We did a lot of studying in this room and a lot of tutoring you. I know you didn't get the best grades, but at least we helped you get better than you would have gotten on your own.

This room just breathes Prongs. It's almost like a tangible presence. It's hard to believe that he's gone when I'm in here. I can see him sitting in that chair over there by the fire, leaned over his books.

I can see the way he would throw his hands up in despair every time you or I would get a question wrong dealing with our transfiguration homework. Or when we would melt another cauldron trying to make the Animagi potion.

He was smart yet he never used it against any of us. All he wanted to do was help.

I miss him.

I better eat, and then sleep for a bit. The students will probably arrive at the feast for about 7 p.m. I won't go out till about 7:30, just in case there are any stragglers.

By eight o'clock you will be dead Wormtail, and by 8:30, I'll be out of the castle, as long as I don't run into Peeves.

I have twelve hours until I start...

That ham was as beautiful as I thought it would be. Now I must be down for the day. I think I'll take Prongs' chair. It always was the most comfortable, and he let me sleep in it from time to time. I doubt he'll object now.

That was the best sleep I've had since Azkaban. I can't believe it. It was almost like Prongs was holding me. He only did that once, but I'll always remember it. It was Christmas night. That same Christmas I found out about Mom and Dad. He held me while I slept, and he kept the dreams away. Today's sleep reminded me of that.

I still have a few hours before I go to meet up with Wormy, so I'm going to poke through this room and see if we left anything behind. I might even eat what's left of that ham.

Alright, I will eat what's left of the ham, just because I don't know when I'll eat next.

So, let's see... if I touch this spot in the wall... oh my, Bernie Bots Every Flavor Beans. I haven't had one of these in ages. I wonder if they're still any good? Well, I'll never know if I don't try now, will I?

Mmmmm, Bumbleberry Pie... Oh yuck, that tasted like mold, but it was probably supposed to taste like that. Ahh... much better... chocolate éclair... they are definitely still good.

Lets see what else I can find in here.

Looks like a couple of melted cauldrons in the far corner. I haven't found what I'm looking for though... not like anyone will really forget that, but I was hoping to get my hands on a wand.

We really didn't leave much behind here. Moony was way too good at cleaning, he didn't even leave behind a brush. And I really do need one.

They really don't care about your appearance in Azkaban. My hair was never cut in twelve years I was there. I always had long hair though. Although it never went past my shoulders. And I kept it brushed.

They used to call me vain because of the way I kept my hair.

Well, they can never call me that again. For twelve years, I haven't cared about what I look like, and it shows. My body which was once well built and strong, is now weak and scrawny. My hair is matted and almost beyond repair.

Perhaps someday I will take the time to clean myself up. I know I'm stronger now than when I was in Azkaban. Those fights I was having with that cat has helped a lot.

The time moves so fast in here. I know it's almost time for me to go. Almost time for me to go kill you Wormy.

Are you waiting for me Wormtail? Do you know I'm coming? Well, I am. I'll be there shortly. Just a short while and my revenge will be complete.

This butchers knife is perfect. If he decides to stay a rat, I can chop off his head and if he decides to face me as a man, well then I can just have more fun. I know I must sound evil, but I don't care. I have dreamed of this day for years and I'm about to have it come true.

Twelve years I have dreamed of having that little worm in my hands and killing him. He betrayed us when we trusted him.

I should have listened to Kitty. She always said there was something about him that she didn't trust. But then again she said there was good qualities about Snape. How anyone could say that about that slimy git, I don't know. Maybe she was right though... Nah... It was Snape, there is nothing good about him.

Here I am leaving the safety of my room. I must be very careful, or I'll get caught. I haven't taken this much of a risk since trying to see Harry, and even then I took more caution than I am right now.

I hope Martha will let me into the common room. That's the only hitch in my whole plan, but she used to let me in as a kid when I forgot. After learning her name, I never called her 'The Fat Lady'. She had a proper name, and it deserved to be used.

I always liked Martha. She was a good person.

Ah, here we are.

"Hi Martha." I hope she doesn't take in my appearance.

"Hello Sirius, password?"

"I've forgotten it Martha, can you just let me in for old times same?" Dear god, I hope this works.

"I need a password. Your no longer a student here."

Come on... the more time I waste here the less time I have to kill Wormtail. "But Martha, I just need to get something. I'll be right out."

"Not without a password."

"Please?" I'm trying to keep the panic out of my voice, and trying to loosen the death grip on my knife.

"No, now go."

I don't know what came over me. I attacked her. I didn't know a butchers knife could cut so smoothly, I ripped her canvas. The next thing I remember I was running for one of the side exits, with Peeves laughter ringing in my ears.

I failed.


	6. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Aftermath of Halloween night.

I failed...

How could I have failed?

I was right there... standing outside the common room.

I should have gotten a password, but I was so sure she would have let me in. She always did while I went to Hogwarts...

What did I do to her?

She must be in a fright. I mean I've always treated her with respect, I've always been kind. I don't believe I did that.

What happened to me in Azkaban?

I've turned into the very thing I never wanted to be.

I don't know how I got out of the school. I just remember one minute being at the tower, and the next back here.

I still have the knife though. It can still come in handy someday.

I can understand now why some of those in Azkaban wanted to take there own lives.

I won't... not yet...

I failed...


	7. A Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius must decide wither or not to go to the Quidditch game.

I saw some signs up in the school; Gryffindor vs. Slytherin: Quidditch match, November 7th. I haven't seen a Quidditch match in years. I was considered a damned good Beater in my day. And Prongs... Prongs was the best Seeker we ever had. I wonder who holds our positions now?

I'm unsure about going to the game, but if this rain keeps up, it really won't make a difference. No one can really see anything and even if they do, they'll just think I'm someone else's dog.

The question is... do I deserve to go watch this game. I am a failure.

I am a failure to Prongs because I couldn't protect him.

I am a failure to Kitty because I didn't listen to her. That I couldn't give her the pleasure of hearing 'You were right, I was wrong'.

I am a failure to Harry for so many reasons. For not protecting his parents, making him an orphan at such a young age. For not being able to bring their killer to justice way back then. For not being there to protect him though the years. And now for not being able to kill Wormtail.

And now... now I am a failure to the Fat Lady. I am no longer worthy of using her name. She will never forgive me for what I have done.

Yet some how I must get into that dorm to kill that rat.

Do I deserve to go to the game?

I have barely left this Shack since Halloween night. Only to get some scraps, lap at some water and catch a rabbit in the Forbidden Forest. I need to eat and drink if I'm to live to kill that rat.

However, that doesn't answer my question. The game is tomorrow morning and I still don't know if I should go or not.

Lets figure out the facts...

1\. The Dementors will not be there.  
2\. No one knows that I am a dog.  
3\. I might see Harry.  
4\. I might get caught.  
5\. The Dementors might actually be there.  
6\. It's raining.  
7\. The rain might stop.  
8\. That cat might be there.

There are a lot of might's on that list. I don't know what I should do. I know Dumbledore wouldn't let the Dementors near the students, he never did like them. But what if they crash the game? The high emotions that the students will let off, it will be like huney to them.

However, if I stay higher up in the bleachers, they would never know that it was me even if they did come... I hope.

If I go, I might get to see Harry... my godson. He's growing up so fast and I've missed most of his life so far. I don't want to miss any more than I have to. I wonder what he's like? Is he a good student? What House is he in? I hope he's in Gryffindor. Does he have many friends? Is he any thing like Prongs and Kitty?

I want to know all these things and so much more...

I know no one will be able to recognize me because I'll be a dog, but if that cat is there... I think it knows that I am no dog. I hope that if it is there, it will leave me alone. I don't need to get in a fight with it. I'll be caught for sure if that happens.

In this rain... no one will see me...

I'll make a deal, if this rain tapers off, then I won't go to the game. If the rain continues like it has been, then I'll go. It will be good to see a Quidditch match again.

It's a deal then... tomorrow I'll go.


	8. The Game of Quidditch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is at the Quidditch game

I woke up early this morning, just because I'm excited about the game. The rain is still coming down, and if anything, heavier than last night. No one will be able to see me in this.

I know the game will be still be played. I've been in conditions like this, and it didn't stop us then, so it won't stop them now.

You know, this will be a different experience. I haven't watched a game of Quidditch since my first year at Hogwarts. I've been playing it ever since, well, I played it until I went to Azkaban.

I'd like to get back onto a broom someday.

I should get to the field early so that I'm not seen. I think if I stay in the upper most seats, I'll be safe. I'll also have a great view from up there. Well, it's as great a view as one can have in this kind of weather.

I just hope I get to catch a glimpse of Harry while I'm there. Though I have to remember, with the number of students that attend Hogwarts, it's not likely I'll see him.

I really should head up now. It must be about 9:30, and the game starts at 11:00. Or at least that is what the sign said. I'd like to be in my spot by 10:00; 10:15 at the latest.

No matter how bad this game is, I'll love it. Why, because this is the first time I'll have seen a game in twelve years.

It's been twelve years for a lot of things though.

I think this game is going to be great. I'm going to actually see something that I love to do. The only way this could be better is if I was playing. Oh alright, and if Gryffindor won. But there is no question there, it's Slytherin they're playing. Any team worth it's weight in salt could beat the slimy Slytherins.

Wow, it's darker out here than I thought it would be. This rain is going to cause some problems in finding the Golden Snitch, but I know it can be done. Prongs was amazing when it came to finding it.

I remember the time he found it in Kitty's hair. Poor Malfoy, I think Kitty was the only person he was really scared of. She beat the snot out of that bugger our first year for calling her a Mudblood, and he had been afraid of her ever since. He wouldn't touch her, cause she would have killed him.

The only good thing about that is we didn't have to defend her honor. The bad thing was we also had to watch our step around her. Well, at least Moony, Wormtail and I did, Prongs could get away with just about anything after our third year, once they started dating.

Poor Lockheart, that Hufflepuff kid, he followed Kitty around like a little lost puppy. He so wanted to go out with her, and she wouldn't give him the time of day.

I've heard he went into Defense Against the Dark Arts after school. I didn't think he had the guts for it, but I heard some things while I was in Azkaban. I'm glad he found something he was good at. I guess I lost that bet to you Prongs.

Well, I made it to the field, and I don't think anyone is here yet, good. I'll just slip up to the top and watch everyone come in. I wonder what I'll see.

One thing I do notice is the fact that that is not the Slytherin banner up, but Hufflepuff. I wonder what happened? They hardly ever change teams just before the match. It's almost unheard of. Slytherin must have dome something so they wouldn't have to play in this weather. At least the Gryffindors are not cowards. They're going to be out here. I can see their flag whipping about on the other end of the field.

The game is going to be even more interesting now though, I'm sure. Just think, all the training the Gryffindor team must have put in to play against the Slytherins, just to have all that be for nothing. I'm sure they'll be great though. I have never known a Gryffindor team that wasn't. Though I can hardly talk, I was on the best team there ever was, because Moony, Prongs and Kitty were on it.

Oh look at that, the teams are making their way down to the field. The time is going faster than I though it would. I can't really make out anybody, not like I would know who they are anyway. And if I can't make out them, then they can't make out me.

However, if the teams are on their way, the rest of the students will be too. I hope no one comes up this high. No one did in the old days, and they probably won't now.

In this weather though, I doubt I'll see Harry in the crowd, and if I do, will I know that it is him any way? I won't really be able to make him out in this weather I don't think.

Yep, I was right, the students were not too long to follow the players. You know Quidditch is a popular sport because it looks like the whole school has shown up. I doubt there is a muggle game that would have such a loyal following. Though most muggle games would be called off on account of weather. Muggles are wimps.

I wonder when the game will start, it looks like everyone is here, even... OH SHIT!

Dumbledore.

What is he doing here? He never comes to the game unless he expects something to happen.

Probably expects me to show up and hurt Harry. I couldn't and wouldn't do that. Harry is all I really have left in this world.

Well at least I know with Dumbledore here, Wormtail won't try anything.

I have that much to be thankful for.

Here comes the teams, Gryffindor in Scarlet, my old colors and Hufflepuff in Canary yellow.

Something about a few of the Gryffindor players looks familiar. But from this distance, I just can't be sure. Maybe after they take off I'll be able to tell.

And they're off!

I didn't hear the whistle, but in this wind and rain, I doubt that very many people did.

Well, at least I'll be able to get a better look at the players now that they are in the air.

Both of the Beaters for the Gryffindor team look alike. Maybe I'm just seeing things... No... wait a minute! The picture.

Although the picture was in black and white... those must be two of the Weasley boys. Two of the members of the family that has been harboring Wormtail. Maybe they don't know what they hold, but I find that a little hard to believe.

Though I find it hard to believe that an innocent man spent twelve years in Azkaban, and I WAS that man.

The Gryffindors have three women as chasers? Wow, poor Moony would be scandalized. That was his position. However... they're good. From the looks of things they'll be beating Hufflepuff. Moony wouldn't be scandalized after all.

Oh dear, one of the Hufflepuffs have the Quaffle... this could be bad.

Nope... even the Gryffindor Keeper is good, but I bet he isn't as good as Kitty was. She was amazing on a broom.

It looks like the Gryffindors have put together a really good team. All that is left is for the Seeker to catch the Snitch. Now where is the Seeker, I haven't seen them most of the game. They're not near the game, that's for sure. Perhaps they're above the game looking for the Snitch.

Oops, there is the whistle. Time for a time out. It looks like the wind might just be too much. But it will give me a chance to see who's playing Seeker.

They look small and lean, that's a good sign, though in this weather, it is a bit of a disadvantage. If the Seeker is good though, it won't make a difference, Prongs could fly in anything and still catch that Snitch.

The kid looks familiar too, like I've seen him before, but I couldn't have. To be quite honest, it almost looks like Prongs is flying again...

Prongs is flying again...

I've had this feeling before...

HARRY!

Oh my God. It's Harry!

He's flying, just like his father did... in Prongs' old position too! This is CRAZY!

I can't keep my eyes off of him. My Godson, Seeker for the Gryffindor team, he's amazing.

It looks like the wind is pushing him around a bit though. He'll prevail though, every Potter I have know has been a fighter.

The lightning is getting worse, I hope Harry finds that Snitch soon, for his sake.

OW!

That fucking cat is back! And it scratched my nose. I didn't even see it coming, though all my attention was on Harry.

It seems to want me to follow it. Perhaps I should.

I feel something... the Dementors...

The Dementors are coming!

Cat move faster... move... have to get away... Oh God I have to get away from here...

I won't let them have me again. They can't have my happiness again. They can't make me live in my failures again.

Where are we going... have to get away!

The Slytherin changing rooms? Why here?

Don't whimper Padfoot! You can do this, you've been doing this for years!

Easing off... can't feel them so much...

Why did the cat help?

How did it know?


	9. Friendships and Broomsticks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the Quidditch game.

I don't know why this cat saved me, but I'm going to be forever grateful to it. It didn't have to warn me about the coming of the Dementors.

The thing that I don't understand is how it knew that I'm hiding from the Dementors. How could it have known?

However, if I don't get out of this changing room soon, I'm going to go nuts. It stinks in here. I mean it REALLY stinks. I don't know what the Slytherins do in here, but I sure don't want to know either.

And the bloody cat is blocking the doorway. Every time I go near it, it raises it's heckles and looks like it's going to attack me. I'm not going to even try that. It will beat the snot out of me.

I'll just lay here and wait.

Oh thank God, it's letting me out.

I have to find a way to thank it. If anything, just to let it know I trust it.

I know, I'll touch it's nose.

I've seen enough animals do it over the years... I hope it lets me.

I know what else I'll do, I'll approach it on my belly, kind of a sign of submission to it. I mean, hell, it just saved my life and it could probably kill me if it wanted to.

It let me touch it's nose, I guess that makes us friends. I haven't had a friend in twelve years. It feels good.

Well, it's letting me go. I should make a dash for the Whomping Willow, and get into the shack. I feel safe there. More safe than I do here.

I don't see anyone out here. They all must have made a dash up to the castle. Between the Dementors and the rain, it is enough for anyone for anyone to want to get back to the castle. I wonder who won the watch tonight?

Oh well, that really doesn't matter. It was a good game.

Shit, there is someone at the tree!

And... and it looks like they're picking up something. They know how to make it freeze, but, they don't seem to notice the entrance.

I have to get closer... I have to see who it is. Its small enough to be one of the students, but the figure looks like someone I know... from a long time ago.

It's little Henry Flitwick. What is he doing here? Is he one of the Professors? I remember when he saved another student with a Summing Charm. That's what he's probably teaching, Charms. He was the best in that class. Even beat Prongs. Ravenclaw was so proud of that. Had the only student who could beat Prongs at anything.

What is he picking up though? I need to get closer to see.

That piece says 'Nimbus 2000'. Wasn't that what Harry was ridding?

What the hell happened? I didn't see anyone else ridding that kind of broom, and I pride myself on being able to tell brooms apart.

Did Harry fall? Did he fall off his broom? That's impossible... or is it? Those Bloody Dementors...

They came... could they have effected him so badly?

This is my fault. I'm going to have to do something to fix it. Get him a new broom or something.

Flitwick is leaving... he must have picked up everything. I'm going to have to get into the shack and figure something out.


	10. Parchment and Paper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is looking for Parchment and a Paper

Some how I have to get my hands on a piece of parchment and a quill. And I have to find out what the best broom is. It's my fault that Harry lost his, so I'm going to make sure that whatever I get him is of the best quality.

I should go into the town and steal a paper. The Daily Prophet should have ads for brooms, if it is run anything like it was back when I was a student that is.

I wonder if Reta still has a job with them. She was always good at ferreting around. However, she never could figure out what we were up too. Prongs, Moony and Wormtail were good at distracting her.

I honestly think that Wormtail had a crush on Reta. When he wasn't following us around, he was trying to impress her. I don't think it worked though... she had her eye on someone else. I just hope it wasn't me. All I know is I spent six years avoiding her. Who would believe a Slytherin liked a Gryffindor, or vice versa?

Yah, that was the house she was in, Slytherin. I think Wormtail should have been in that house too. I don't know what the Sorting Hat was thinking when it placed him in Gryffindor.

This thinking isn't getting me any where though. If I'm going to get a copy of the paper, and get back here before dark, I'll have to leave now.

I've been avoiding going into town... I know the Dementors are prowling the streets after dark.

Alright! I'll admit it. I'm afraid of them.

But you would be too if you lived for as long as I did under their power. They suck everything that is good out of you, until all that is left is the bad... the evil... and the pain. You don't think you'll ever know anything good again once they've taken you over.

I am weak against them again... I've had too many things happen since I escaped. My failure and my new friendship... two things that could get my caught. And the there is Harry... my Harry... that in itself is my downfall. My love for him.

I won't let them take that away from me again.

If I leave here now, I should be able to get back here before dark, that shouldn't be too much of a problem. The shack isn't that far way from the town.

I can remember making Honeydukes runs. They have the best sweets known to the wizarding world and the best selection too. Though that was never as much fun as going to The Three Broomsticks for a hot Butterbeer.

Prongs and I would go there all the time and try and charm Madam Rosemerta out of free drinks. I think she actually liked us... she would smile every time we would come in and every once and a while she would join us for a drink. I wonder how she is doing now.?

Snap out of it Padfoot, this is not getting you into the town. You're avoiding the situation. You need to get the paper to find a broom.

One step... Two steps... there we go... much better... we're on our way.

Shit, I have less time than I thought. I better hurry. The sun is going to go down soon. I wasted too much time debating with myself.

I see a trash bin over there... and there is no one around. Perhaps this is my lucky day.

Mmm... a half-eaten banger, but no paper. I'll have to keep looking. But I'm not leaving that banger behind.

I see another trash bin ahead, but there are some people around it. Fuck. What am I supposed to do? Wait until after dark? There is not a chance in hell I'm doing that.

Oh man, and that chap just tossed his paper into it.

Will I be so lucky as to get it?

I doubt it. My luck isn't that good. I've been having too many things go my way lately for this to be true.

I have to try and get that paper though... I need that paper because I NEED to get a broom.

Jeez, if anyone could hear me, they would think I had lost my mind. There are so many things going on in here though and it is just easier to talk to myself. I don't have anyone else who would listen.

This is my chance, it looks like people are starting to get off the streets for the night.

This doesn't give me much time, but I'll have to take my chances.

I've got it... Ugh, it tastes like someone dumped their pipe on it.

Now run legs... run as fast as you can back to the shack. Don't let the Dementors catch you out here.

I'm going to have to wait until morning to read the paper. I don't dare light anything at night. Don't want anyone to see the light from the street.

I can wait until morning... at least I have the paper now. I don't think anything would be open today anyway, seeing as it is a Sunday. Even if we don't follow the Christian religion, seeing as we're all devils to them... we observe their day of rest. We need one too.

Rest is a good thing I guess, however, I've been getting too much of it lately.

They are passing thrrough the town tonight. I can feel them moving. I know I can't change from a dog to a human. If I do, they'll find me.

I'm just glad I made it back to the shack before they started. It would not have been good if I had been out there.

However, I had just made it in. I'm very thankful I had had that paper in my mouth. I would have started howling otherwise, as it was, I whimpered as I made my way back in.

One thing I'm glad for, is that no one knows how to get in here. It's something Prongs and I created ourselves. It was for those times when we were helping Moony... not that it didn't come in handy at other times. Like now.

We created it so that it would only respond to two things... my bark, and Prongs whinny. I could probably make some modifications to it if I had too, but I'd need a wand and I don't have one of those right now.

I'm glad that Prongs convinced me we needed a secret door to this place. The funny thing is, we used the one that was already there to begin with. Prongs had done some research before coming to me, and had figured out a spell that would allow us to make structural changes to the building.

Now if the proper signal is given the door becomes an illusion and it stays that way for only sixteen seconds. Why sixteen? I think it was because we thought it was a cool number.

I can't even remember the name of the spell, but I do remember how long it took to get ready. It took us almost three months to get the stupid thing together. We didn't want to tell Moony or Wormtail until we had it finished... so that's part of the reason it took so long to get it together.

The reason we didn't tell Moony was because we didn't want him to feel bad. It wasn't that we didn't trust him, but we couldn't let a werewolf free in Hogsmeade. He wasn't quite himself those nights. We did everything we could for him though.

And we didn't tell Wormtail because he was totally inept at potions. If it hasn't been for Prongs and I, he would have never passed his classes, nor would he have ever become an Animagi.

It was kind of funny in Potions class though. Snape could send poor Wormy into fits. He drove Wormtail up the wall, though, I'm sure the reverse was true as well. They were partners in class and Wormy would be in fits by the end of class. Prongs and I would spend that night teaching him how to do the spells right. This would happen after EVERY Potions class.

The Dementors are leaving again, I can feel their pull easing off. I can go to sleep now then. In the morning I'll look though the paper, and hopefully find something.

I hate sleeping after the Dementors pass through the town. I had horrendous nightmares last night.

I didn't wake up from them, but they were bad enough that I changed back into a human. I woke up curled up in a little ball in the middle of the bed.

I dreamed that Harry was dead, and that Wormtail was the one to kill him. I kept trying to get there to help, but no matter what I did, I couldn't get there in time. I have to save him... I won't let that dream come true.

Now that it is daylight, or the very beginning of daylight, I can read the paper.

I hope to find something in it. I don't want yesterday to have been in vain. At least having the paper will allow me the chance to catch upon the wizarding world. I feel very out of touch. Not that they want me to be in touch. They put me in prison for a crime I didn't commit.

It looks like Reta did get a job with the paper, and is as scathing as ever. Looks like she doesn't like the way the Gringotts curse breakers look. I personally don't mind long hair.

Wait a minute... Bill Weasley... that's the same last name as the family that has been harboring Wormtail all these years. I wonder if he's one of the ones from the picture.

Not that it matters, I'm looking for a broom.

Here we are, a broom ad...

'THE FIREBOLT  
This state of the art racing broom sports a streamlined, superfine handle of ash, treated with a diamond-hard polish and hand-numbered with it's own registration number. Each individually selected birch twig in the broomtail has been honed to aerodynamic perfection, giving the Firebolt unsurpassable balance and pinpoint precision. The Firebolt has an acceleration of 0-150 miles an hour in ten seconds and incorporates an unbreakable braking charm. Price on request.'1

That's it. That's the broom I'm going to get Harry. It really shouldn't be made that much of a dent in my account at Gringotts. With what my parents left me and what I made in my first year at the Ministry, money really isn't a problem I ever had.

Now on the other hand a problem I do have is how am I to access my account?

I could always writ them a letter telling them to access the money from my account, but if the letter is in my name...

I know! Though Harry doesn't know it, he has access to my account. After my parents died I made up a Will, with my friends as the benefactors, just incase of my untimely death. When Harry was born, I changed the Will so that he would be the sole benefactor. I also had his name put on my Gringotts account so that a lot of red tape would be bypassed. I never intended to tell him that I did this. Hell, I didn't even tell Prongs. Though the reason I didn't tell him is because he would have hit me upside the head for doing it.

I had forgotten about it myself really. It wasn't the most prominent thing on my mind.

Now all I need is some parchment, and a way to send it.

How am I going to get parchment? And a quill? I could always sneak back up to the school and steal it from there... or I could go back into town. Either way, I take a big chance at being caught. So many people must be looking out for me.

I need to get my hands on some parchment though.

I'll figure something out and either I'll go up to the castle tonight, or I'll go back into town tomorrow.

I need to hunt tonight anyways... that banger just wasn't enough to feed me for two days.

 

1 - copied from page 43 of the Hard cover American version of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban


	11. Cats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cat helps

I think that cat was here last night. There are some ginger cat hairs around the entrance. I was right then that it has been watching me when I get in and out of here. However, that could make things so much easier for me. I won't always have to use that stick.

I wonder what it was doing here though? I didn't see it... hell, I didn't even hear it. I didn't think I slept that deeply... even when I was having nightmares. Oh well, I'll never really know the answers to the questions that cat makes.

I did, however, make my decision. I'm going to head up to the castle. I'm more likely going to be able to find parchment and a quill up there then in town. At least in there a missing piece of parchment won't be noticed. Unless it's Kitty's parchment you take. She noticed everything. That must be why she knew about Wormtail and we didn't.

So I'll go up to the castle, grab a piece of parchment and a quill, then slip back here. If I do it fast enough, I should be able to go hunting tonight. My growling stomach might give me away out on the street soon.

Maybe I should hunt before I got up to the school. I'm that hungry. That banger really wasn't enough, and it was half eaten to begin with.

I'm hungry.

I'm torn though... I should go up to the castle first. However, I'm hungry and if I don't eat soon, I might have some problems.

But... if I hunt first, I won't have time to go up to the school, or at least I may not have the time., and if that happens, I'll have to wait another night before going up to the castle. Time is really of the essence here. Who knows how they make these brooms. From the sounds of it, they make it when you order it, and that could take some time.

I would like it to arrive to Harry in time for Christmas and waiting even a day might cause a problem in that. But one day shouldn't make a big difference... hell... I need food. If I'm lucky, I'll have enough time to get up to the school and back too. That would be the answer to all my problems if I could do that.

I doubt I'll be so lucky though.

I should get going. If I stay here much longer, I won't get either thing done.

I hope I catch something substantial tonight. I could use a rabbit, or even a large squirrel. I'm a little worried about hunting in the Forbidden Forest though. Hagrid has been stepping up his patrols of the forest and he will notice that I'm not an ordinary dog.

Hagrid was amazing. I guess he helped Moony a lot before we came along. Helped get this shack set up so that Moony would have a place to stay and helped make him feel more comfortable.

Not to say that Hagrid wasn't odd. I remember in our second year he tried to raise a Manticore in his hut. I wonder if it's still loose in the forest somewhere?

At least between Moony, Prongs and I, we convinced him to let it go into the forest. If it had grown much more, we would have never gotten it out of his cottage. Wormtail on the other hand wouldn't go near Hagrid's cottage the whole time he was here.

Now that I think of it though, Wormtail would stay away from Hagrid as much as possible anyway. I wonder what he was afraid of. It just seems funny that he stayed away from certain people. It must have been those that could see through his charm. I wish I had been one of those back then. However, I'd like to think I'm a better judge of character now.

I wonder how Hagrid is doing now? The last time I saw him, he was taking little Harry to those great gits of relatives he has. I let him take my motorbike. I figured it would be the best thing... Wormy wouldn't be expecting it.

What I found, I sure didn't expect, Wormtail skulking in the middle of a crowded muggle street. However, what that little git did next surprised even me. I should have expected it. I should have known better then to think I could take him into custody myself.

He cried out in the middle of the street 'Lily and James, Sirius! How could you!'1 Then he blew up the street. He must have cut off his finger while he was crying out because that was all I saw after the flash of light dissipated. That and all the other dead bodies. Who would of thought the little git had it in him?

I don't know why I did it, but I couldn't do anything but stand there and laugh. I know at that very moment my life was over in the wizarding world, perhaps even in the muggle world. And all I could do was laugh.

When the wizards from the Ministry arrived, what else was I to do but give myself over to them? Hell, I had been training to be an Unspeakable. I know the would have been able to find me.

I had lost at my hunt, to a sneaky little rat.

Fuck Padfoot, you're wasting time again. What are you thinking you blooming idiot. You could have been down that path by now. Now your going to have to run... ugh.

Rest... need rest... shouldn't run full out like that. I need to conserve some energy for the hunt and the going up to the school afterwards.

I hope I don't get too much blood on myself or I'll have to take a rinse in the lake before I go up to the school. Not like I don't need a bath any way. At least it is only me who has to smell me.

One thing I have learned, is to keep this stick here by the tree instead of constantly carrying it up to the shack. It has made a difference in the trip... I don't take the chance of tripping over it and landing on my nose. I did that once, right after a fight with that cat. My nose smarted for a week.

Speaking of that cat, I think I smell it up there. I'm starting to get to know its scent. Let me just peek out of the hole... yep, there it is. Sitting just beyond the range of this blood tree. I still think it has a grudge against me.

What the hell does that thing have in front of it? I'm just going to have to leave the hole to find out I guess.

How the hell does it know that I needed parchment and a quill? Where did it get them? I swear this cat reads minds. It almost reminds me of someone from the old days. But I can't think of who off hand... Oh well, I'll think of it someday, not like I don't have a whole lot to do.

Maybe it will take the letter for me to the Post Office later. I can't give it to them myself. No one will believe at the Post that a mangy dog is bringing a letter to be sent.

Enough thinking, let's go hunting, and then I'll take the parchment back to the shack and start writing.

 

1 - copied from page 154 of the Hard cover American version of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban


	12. It's Just A Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is trying to write the letter to order Harry's Broom

Come on Padfoot, you can do this. Think you old fool. Twelve years doesn't make you an idiot. You used to be able to write letters that looked and sounded like it came from someone else, so why can't you do it now?

I know, it's because Moony and Prongs aren't here. They could get me through anything. I doubt there was one prank letter I wrote back then that didn't have one of their mitts in on it. Actually, the only ones Prongs wasn't in on were the ones to do with Kitty, and Moony wouldn't get in on the ones to a girl in a year below us. He had the biggest crush on what's-her-name... Runklebinkle... no Rumplebinkle, that was it. Other than that, I think they were both in on everything.

I need them here for inspiration.

Wormtail, why did you have to tear us apart? Why did you have to kill Prongs and destroy my life? We cared for you, you little git.

This isn't helping me to write this bloody letter. At least that cat brought me more than one sheet of parchment. I'm in desperate need of it. I don't know how it did it though, it brought me a bottle of purple ink, which just happens to be my favorite, a quill and three pieces of parchment. I'm going to have to make it all last, seeing as it may be needed at a later date, but...

Speaking of the cat, guess who is snoozing in the corner? I'll give you three guesses, and the first two don't count.

BINGO... You're right, the cat.

I woke up this morning and it was coming through the trapdoor. I'm pretty sure that is what woke me up in the first place. I bet it came to make sure that I do write this letter. I'm going to do it. I just don't know what to write.

How should I put this? Should I write something about the broken broom, should I say something about him being in the third year at Hogwarts in Gryffindor, or should I just make the order and not add anything else?

I'll have to remember to add the information about my vault, but use Harry's name. I'm glad I choose to make those changes to my account when I did all those years ago. Or there would be no way I could be able to pull this off.

How does this sound?

"I, Harry Potter, would like to put an order in for the Firebolt. The money for the broom is to be taken out of vault seven hundred and eleven, in Diagon Alley."  
All right, that sounds good. I wonder how I should say that I don't want it till arrive until Christmas? I could say that he wants to give it to himself for a Christmas gift. It kind of makes since. I really should put something in about the fact that his broom being broken. So lets start this again. Get it all figured out before I try and put it down on paper.

"To Who"  
No no no... To Whom you idiot, to whom.

To Whom it May Concern,  
I, Harry Potter, would like to put in an order for the Firebolt Racing Broom."  
Yes that sounds better than before. Even the cat seems to approve. It's nodding it's head at me.

"The money for the broom is to be taken out of vault seven hundred and eleven, in the Diagon Alley branch of Gringotts bank. Please show the attached letter to the goblins."  
Yes, this is sounding better all the time. Moony and Prongs would be proud of me.

"I would like the broom delivered for Christmas morning, as it is a gift to myself. My last broom was lost in a freak Quidditch accident.  
Yours truly,  
Harry Potter  
Third year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry  
Gryffindor House"

Gee, that sounds better than I expected it too. I wonder what the cat thinks. Then again, I wonder if the cat knows it's me. It seems to, but I've only ever been a dog around it. It's strange you know, this cat doesn't seem to be surprised by anything dealing with me.

I think approves of my wording though, I mean it was nodding it's head earlier.

So, let's get this down on paper.

To Whom it May Concern,

I, Harry Potter, would like to put an order in for the Firebolt Racing Broom. The money for the broom is to be taken out of vault seven hundred and eleven, in Diagon Alley Branch of Gringotts Bank. Please show the attached letter to the Goblins at said bank.

I would like the broom to be delivered for Christmas morning as it is a gift to myself. My previous broom, a Nimbus Two Thousand racing broom, was lost in a freak Quidditch accident. I would like to replace it as soon as truly,  
Harry Potter  
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry  
Third year, Gryffindor House

It seems shorter written down then I thought it would be. However, my penmanship isn't that bad for someone who hasn't written anything in twelve years.

Now all I have to do is write that letter to goblins at Gringotts. I already know what I'm going to write. It seems weird using Harry's name instead of my own, but your do what you have to do. I am really glad the cat brought three pieces of parchment, I'm going to have use all three today.

I, Harry Potter, give the representative of the makers of the Firebolt Racing Broom, to remove from my account, seven hundred and eleven, the amount owing for services Potter  
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry  
Third year, Gryffindor House

Perfect, now all I have to do is fold these together, and then write the last letter to the Post Office, and have them send the letter out on one of their faster owls COD. That will fall under services rendered I assume.

There, now all I have to do is...

Bloody hell, that ruddy cat nearly took my fingers off grabbing that letter. And there it goes standing at the door. I swear this cat knows this house almost as good as I do. But how?


	13. It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

It's been a month and a half since I sent out the letter, at least I assume it went out, the cat didn't come back with it. It was strange watching the cat walking down the pathway, it in a way, reminded me of a simpler time when Wormtail would go scurrying down the road to Huneydukes.

Back then things were so simple. The world was a different place, and I was a different man.

This day fourteen years ago, our only thought was that the Christmas holidays had just begun and a whole new season of pranks needed to be planned. No one thought that in three days our lives would be turned upside down. Least of all me.

I think it was that day we lost Wormtail to our group forever. He acted differently after we woke up that Christmas morning. Of course, I was different too. I think Prongs was the only one that wasn't changed as much as the rest of us. Though that was because he had already gone through it. During our first year he had lost his parents, though not to Voldemort, but to a house fire.

He was the one who pulled me though that day. He had come to live with us the summer his parents passed and when I think of it now he had become a part of your family. I mean I never really noticed any thing different because he was my best friend, but my mom, dad, and little sister all welcomed him in. Though, I think Jenni had a bit of a crush on him.

I know it reached further than just the four of us, but the pain I felt at the time made it feel that I was the only one effected. I became a very rich young man that day, but none of that mattered. I had lost my family. I think if I didn't have Prongs and Moony, I would have gone nuts. They became my family, even more than they already were.

Maybe that's why I want to make Harry's Christmas so special. So he won't ever go though what I did. However, in a way he went through worse. The Dursleys? I still can't understand why he was sent to the Dursleys. They must have treated him like pond scum. Why else would he have left in the middle of the summer?

He looks so much like Prongs it's scary, but he has Kitty's eyes.

I can't quite figure out my feelings for him though. He's my godson, and the son of my best friend, but ever since I first saw him on Magnolia Crescent, I get this funny feeling, and I feel like I'll do anything for him. Actually, I broke out of Azkaban for him, to help save him from Wormtail. What is happening to me?

OK, so Moony and I had a brief, but very educational fling and I had a slight crush on Prongs, but Harry is thirteen, I'm thirty-one. This can't be happening.

That's right, it's not happening. I'm just lonely and my mind is running a way with me. That's it.

Well, with Christmas three days away, I'm going to have to figure out something to do. I can't sit here on my duff all day.

I should go up to the castle. At least I'll get a good meal up there. God knows I need it. That way I could find out if Harry got the broom or not. I'm sure he didn't go home for the holidays. I know I wouldn't go back to the Dursleys if I didn't have to.

Three days till Christmas. Three days till the anniversary of their deaths. Twelve years of grief that for the first time feels real.


	14. Christmas Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looking back at Christmas past.

Marry Christmas Prongs n' Moony! I many not get to see either of you, but I won't forget to wish you one any way. I wonder if Moony ever wishes me one? Probably not, he thinks I betrayed you Prongs. I would never do that, could never do that.

You know, it's kind of ironic that this Christmas I'm spending it in this shack. Fourteen years ago I spent my Christmas here, crying on Prongs' shoulder, now I'm spending it here remembering, and crying about Prongs. I remember the last Christmas I spent with everyone I loved thirteen years ago. It was also the last time any of us spent Christmas together, and it was the very frist anniversery of my parents death. Gods, I am so glad they didn't let me spend it alone.

I spent that day with Moony, Kitty, Prongs and Prongs Jr, Wormtail hadn't been able to make it. At least I can look on that as a small blessing now. That memory isn't tainted.

I have very font memories of that Christmas. Kitty's burnt ham that she cried over, Prongs trying to get Prongs Jr to play with something other than the paper and Moony trying to take as many pictures as possible. I thought Kitty was going to curse him when he took a picture of the ham.

I know Kitty was hurt that her family hadn't come over that day, but she understood. Her parents were ill and that git of a sister she had, hadn't spoken to her since fifth year. She didn't even come to Kitty's wedding, though I don't think she was really welcome.

The three of them so tried to cheer me up. They wouldn't let me mope around all day. Every time I would start to slip away into my own little world, Prongs would put Prongs Jr on my lap. He was such a good baby, he didn't fuss and he always smiled. I loved him with all my heart, and I still do.

Even Dumbledore showed up later in the day bairing gifts. He brought Prongs Jr a toy that made different noises depending on where he touched it (which drove Kitty nuts for the next couple of months). For Kitty and Prongs, he gave them one of those clocks that told where they were at all times. I laughed when I saw that Moony, Wormy and I all had hands on the clock too. Kitty thought it was fitting, as we spent more time there than any place else.

Funny, I can't remember what he brought Moony and I.

It was a great Christmas and the last good Christmas I would have for a very last time. Perhaps the last good one I will ever have.

 

I wonder what Harry and Moony are doing today?

Well, I have a very good idea of what Moony is doing today. The full moony is tonight, so he will be sleeping, that's what he always did on the day of the full moon. I wish I could be there for him, to help him control the wolf. Of course this is one of the longest nights of the year, so it's going to be a bad change. Where ever you are Moony, my thoughts are with you.

Harry on the other hand is probably waking up right about now and discovering the pile of gifts at the end of his bed. I hope that the Firebolt arrived on time for him. I wish I could be there to see the look on his face, but that just isn't possible. I will probably never again get to see the looks of surprise and joy on his face, or to wipe the tears from his cheeks.

 

Dear goddess, I have to stop thinking about him, it just makes the pain in my heart worse. He's too young for me and I'm just lonely. He's my godson, I'm not supposed to think those thoughs about him. Yet everytime I see him (albit it isn't much and only from a distance), the feelings get stronger.

 

Ugh, this is wrong, I'm supposed to love him, not be 'in love' with him.

 

I've got to get my mind off of this. I'm going up to the castle for food.


	15. Christmas Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas Dinner and overheard conversations.

The House elves have really out done themseves this year. The food is fantastic. They've made enough food to feed an army. With this much food, I really should be able to steal something with anyone noticing.  
It looks like that Christmas goose has had quite a number done on it. It could take the whole thing without causing a stur I believe. I mean, I still have the butchers knife from Halloween, and no one came looking for the big shaggy dog that stole the ham.  
I wonder if Hagrid's 'pets' do this sort of thing a lot?

Oi, look over there, it's that cat. It looks like he's gotten his paws on some fresh cream and a whole fish. Lucky devil.

Ack, a House elf is coming this way. Back up into a corner and wimper.  
Maybe it will leave me alone if I do that.  
Nope, no such luck.

Wait a minute, it's saying something. I better listen in.  
"Would Master Dog like something?"  
Wag tail and bark answer, Hell yeah. I'd like something.  
"Headmaster Dumbledore sir says to Plonky that she is to give food to all today. Here Master Dog sir."  
Oh good good, it's a whole Christmas goose.

I think I may have given the poor creature a heart attack when I pounced on it and giave it a lick, but I'm not sure. I was on that goose too quickly to tell. I think I'll go to the hidden rooms to eat and maybe rest up a bit. No one except Wormy knows about them. At least, no on in this school. Monny knows about them too, but who knows where he is.

Shit, I hear voices.

"Umm, Professor... May I speak to you for a moment? It's about Harry."

About Harry?

"Yes Miss Granger, what is it?"

I'd know that voice anywhere.  
'Mr. Black, I'm afriad I have bad news.'  
Even after fourteen years, her voice hasn't changed.

"You know how Harry's broom got distroyed by the Whomping Willow?"  
"Yes, yes, please do get to the point."  
"Well, Harry got a new broom for Chrstimas. A Firebolt."

So he did get the broom. I can feel my bout pulling into a canine smile, even around the mouthful of goose.

"Yet he doesn't know who it is from. The thing is Professor, I think... and I really hope that I am wrong... I think it was from Sirius Black."

What? How did she know?

"Come along Miss Granger. I want a look at that broom."

Oh god, I know that tone of voice.  
Harry's going to lose his broom. I just hope he gets it back as soon as they realize I didn't do anything to it. They'll never be able to trace it back to me. Everything was done in Harry's name. I haven't even seen the broom, let alone touch it.  
I wish they'd all realize that I love him and would never do anything to him.

I just want to make Wormy pay.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on fanfiction.net and on my personal website. Slowly but surely moving stuff over here.


End file.
